Hope you had a Merry Christmas!

I wish I would have had the opportunity to wish you a Merry Christmas before Christmas but I guess now will have to do! So, "Merry Christmas!" I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! We had a fun time yesterday with my family. We won't see David's side of the family until New Years but that will be fun, too! We can stretch the holidays out that way! :)

I was looking at the decorations this morning thinking if they will see the attic and another Christmas before we see a baby in our home! Baby surprise has had a Christams tree and presents in his/her room since last Christmas and I vowed not to take it down until baby came but I am seriously considering it. There just doesn't seem to be a reason to leave it up and me keeping a tree up won't make it happen any faster. Actually the tree is just a reminder of how long it's been! So, it's coming down! I can't even remember what the presents are right now so it will be fun to see what I bought last year! :)

Please say a special prayer for my friend, Holly, who's mom is struggling in the hospital over Christmas. Also, please say a prayer for all the children an families, all over the world, who are waiting to be made forever families. The holidays are especially hard because it feels like part of your family is missing.

Lastly, be very thankful for your health, happiness, family and blessings! I have heard about many people having hardships right now and I am feeling so blessed. I hope you all have a wonderful New Year!

Happy Anniversary

Hello friends! I just wanted to tell you that today is our wedding anniversary! We have been married 9 years. We have celebrated in phases because we are going to a wedding when we would normally celebrate. Tonight we are going out for a laid back dinner after work. We are thinking that we should do something really cool next year since it will be 10 years! Just wanted to share...hope you all are well!

Nothing brings out the Christmas spirit like Black Friday!

Oh my goodness! David and I have a tradition of getting up early on Black Friday and hitting the stores! This is typically where I do the bulk of my shopping. But because we have been "under the weather" we got a much later start. I thought this might be better because of all the other nuts out early like us! WRONG! The first store I went into had a 45 minute line. So I got David to stand in line and I shopped. When the load got to heavy I would dump my stuff off with him and make another round. However, there were the most rude and hateful people out yesterday. People just standing in the midle of an isle so you couldn't get by and groaning if you pushed your way through anyway! Nothing like the old Christmas Spirit!

Today is going to be part wrapping palooza and part putting up Christmas trees and then a date with David! Think we are celebrating our anniversary today since my friend Ashley decided to get married next weekend when we would normally celebrate! On December 2, 2009 we will be married 9 years! Can you believe it? 9 years and no babies?! Perhaps year 10 will look differently!

Joy comes in the morning....

Well...after a crazy day yesterday I am glad to wake up today satisfied with our decision and feeling good about it! I was talking to David yesterday on the way home and we were discussing how this adoption process makes us feel heavy. It feels like you are always waiting for something to happen, always carrying something around on your back like a weight. It's hard to describe but I am sure those of you who are reading and waiting know exactly what I mean. Anyway, today I feel joyful and a little bit lighter than yesterday! So for that I am relieved. It's off to the start of a busy Saturday for me! I thank each of you for reading and posting and making me feel like I didn't make a poor decision!

On the adoption front...

We received an email today asking us our permission for our profile to be shown which is weird because our agency doesn't operate that way anymore. It turned out to be an odd situation. The Birthmom is actually part of MTV's show 16 and pregnant. So by agreeing to be shown we would then agree to say yes if we were chosen. By agreeing to do those to things we would have to sign many legal releases and be filmed for television! Wow! Talk about your odd email's. Those don't happen everyday. We had until 3 this afternoon to decide.

So what are you thinking? Crazy, huh? Would you do it?

We decided that we did not want to be shown. To me that is adding to many layers to an already difficult situation. In the past, we have been open to being shown anytime we have gotten a call but there is no way I could live out those moments of my life on television!

I had a pit in my stomach over it even though my gut reaction was "no." I felt like I was passing up an opportunity and I beat myself up. I thought - You could have had a baby! Then I thought, how pathethic, Jennifer? Are you so desperate that you would do something that feels wrong in your heart of hearts...something you know you don't want to do?! I would actually enter into a legal agreement and let the world watch my experince on MTV!? So I feel good about the decision we made.

So if we were chosen, which was never a guarantee, we would have had a baby before Christmas. Can you believe that? What a gift that would have been, huh? So - today was a very bizarre day. I just thought I would share with you guys....

Met up with another Bethany family

David and I went out to dinner Friday night and it was delicious! Upon our return to the car, we ran into a couple that started in the same orientation class with us for our adoption. At first, I only saw the wife. Then around the corner walks her husband with child in tow! Oh boy! This is the time I want to run and hide but that would be rude! In talking to them we found out that they had placement a year ago! Wow! Really? You have had your baby for a year! We have been waiting for 14 months and 6 days today! What would it be like for us to have been parents for a year already?

She goes on to tell us that they didn't even receive placement through the agency. They received placement through Catholic Charities after 3 failed placements with our agency. So now my wheels are turning. I have been trying to think about other options to explore but now I am really thinking about it! However, how do you decide? We have already paid so much money into our current agency and we don't have enough to start all over again. I am starting to feel trapped. Of course I feel impatient and anxious, too. It's just amazing that so many of the familes we started with have their children already and everyday we just sit back and wonder when it might be our turn.

Please, please don't tell me that God has our child and when it is meant to be it will happen! I beg you not to tell me that! It's not that I don't understand that but I get tired of hearing it because to be honest with you it doesn't feel that way in my heart most days. In my head - I get it! It's my heart that doesn't want to hear that. 14 months is 14 months and it's a really long time to wait. I mean think of all the things that have happened in your life the last 14 months! It's a whole year in your life! Some of you have had babies of your own, some have had placements, some have brought your children home, some have remained in waiting.

As it's getting closer to Christmas, I can't help but think of this time last year - feeling sure that this year I would be a mom. We still have a tiny Christmas tree in our nursery that I put up last year with tiny gifts underneath. I swore I would leave it up until baby came home but I have an urge to pick the whole thing up and dispose of it in the garbage because it feels more like a slap in the face.

I was sure that I would get used to waiting and it would be easier in time but that's not true. It's opposite actually. I thought I would be highly skilled at this by now. Unfortunately, I am not. So I wait and wonder. Are we with the right agency? What are all my options? Where will I be six months or a year from now? So many questions!

I am happy for the family that we met. But as always I am sad for me. The wife said to me, "We are going to pray for you. It's going to happen soon for you - I just know it is!" Yes....we have heard that before and I hope you are right.

Problem posting?

I have had a few people tell me that they have been trying to leave comments but can't! Please email me at davandjen@yahoo.com and tell me if this is the case! I can't figure out what is going on with this silly thing! Any suggestions/ideas/hints?

Potluck Coupon Train - All Aboard - Email Me!

Okay...so I am a coupon lover! When I really work at it I can save a ton of money. My friend told me about coupon trains a while back but the train she was on was full. Basically thereare passengers and conductors. The conductors start the train and the passengers keep it moving!

I want to start a coupon train! It would be a potluck train...meaning coupons from the Sunday paper, mailers, pizza coupons, baby coupons - basically any coupons. I'm not interested in a specialized train because I think having a variety would meet the most needs. So I am volunteering to be the conductor! Who will be my passengers? What the heck am I talking about?

It's simple really. I will start an envelope with coupons in it. I will send it to a passenger who signs up to "ride" the train. That passenger takes out a number of coupons they will use...say 10 for example. The catch is that they have to put 10 back in. Then they send it on to the next passenger on the list and this goes on until it get backs to the conductor. Then the process keeps going.

The conductor can set up rules like how many coupons a passenger can take, how soon you need to mail the envelope forward, etc. I am open to suggestions since I have never done this before. I was thinking about 5 -10 people on the train. So if you are interested please email me at davandjen@yahoo.com and put "coupon train" in the subject line. I will keep the invitation open until next friday evening. That will give everyone a week. Please send me your suggestions and I will put everything together and set up a distribution list! I think this could be fun! If you are intersted or have questions let me know!!

Happy Long Weekend!

One Year Mark

I never dreamed that one year after we were approved for domestic adoption we would still be here waiting with empty arms. I have been thinking about what we were doing this time last year. We were actually on vacation. So here we are a year later. No baby. No activity. Nothing. I feel cold and aloof today. I also feel like I have earned some sort of badge. I can now say that we have made it through the one year mark. I don't know if it gets easier or harder but it feels like we have crossed a big bump in the road if nothing else. I can't help but wonder where we will be a year from now...

An Odd Saturday Morning

So I couldn't really sleep in this morning. That's the way it always is on Saturdays but you can bet Monday - Friday I would love to snooze til 9 or 10! Anyway, I get up and stumble around. Ginger, my black lab, was laying at the foot of our bed cutting off the circulation to David's legs and I went I got she followed me. About that time I quickly remeber that she has got to go to the vet for a urinalysis becasue of some medicine she takes. They had mentioned that they may have to extract it if she would go while we were there. I was afraid she wouldn't so I sen d David outside to follow her for her morning potty. Weird, I know. I was just trying to save her from some weird "extraction" process. So I fumble around in the pantry and find a clean but empty recycled sour cream container. That was the vessel of choice. Success! Ginger did what he needed to do and we got what we needed! That's an odd way to start a Saturday, don't you think? Catching doggie dribble in a recycled container?

Then she had a visitor while we were out there. Our yard is fenced in and a little neighbor dog came to see her and she didn't even bark. That's even more weird because she barks at children 15 miles away! :)

The third weird thing about this Saturday morning is that I am eating chips for breakfast. This is actually my buddy Gavin's fault. He probably has no idea that years ago when we worked together he brought in these chips one day that would begin a multi-year addiction to them. They are Lay's Kettle Cooked Mesquite Barbeque Extra Crunchy Potato Chips! I am not a huge chip person but I have loved these since the day I met them. Thanks for introducing me Gavin! :) I think Elizabeth and I ate your whole bag so I should apologize for that. Sorry! ")

So it's early...not even 10 am. What other oddities will follow me through this day?