Changing Churches - to do or not to do?

David and I are at a crossroads related to our church. The church that we once loved has changed over the last few months and I don't really know if it's the place for us. I don't really feel anything when I go anymore. I deeply respect our pastor but he seems to be changing and I am not sure it's the change we want to make. We both feel that he has used the pulpit for his own personal agenda multiple times and that deeply bothers both of us.

I want a Bible based church but the approach seems to be to have someone read a scripture and then the actual sermon is a story from present day about someone or some thing that has happened without reference to the Bible again. I really am a beginner Christian and I did not grow up in the church so I have so much to learn. I honestly don't feel like I learn much at church. The numbers have dwindled and there are few people our age. Even the choir has shrunk - sometimes their literally may only be 4 people up there.

You could be absent for weeks and nobody so much as calls to see if you are alive. Now, I don't need to somebody to dote on me and call me everytime I'm not there but the fact that nobody notices for weeks is alarming. Our grapevine leader has not contacted us for a whole year. Our pastor will say he is going to start up this or that and we get excited and it never happens.

We haven't been to church in a while because we frankly have been really disatisfied. We have looked around and tryed to figure out if we should try somewhere else but we hate the thought of church shopping. When do you know whether or not you need to find a new church? That is the question.

Catching up...

I am slowly realizing that I never have anything to say! :) I jump on here and read often but I can't think of anything fascinating to write about. We have NO baby news! As a matter of a fact, our counselor may have moved to the far East and we wouldn't know. It's complete silence on that homefront. The longer it takes the easier it becomes to not think about it so much. Sometimes I think...adoption...are we really in the process? It's because there is absoutely no news. I barely even look in the nursery when I go down the hall and sometimes I have to wonder why we have so much baby stuff because the possibility of a baby seems so distant now. On Feb. 4 we will have been waiting 17 months. That really is a long time.

Our counselor told us one time that the average wait is 18 to 36 months so we basically haven't even hit the average. I can tell you right now...I won't be able to wait 36 months! I don't have it in me. This I am sure of. I think the other thing that makes it so hard is that out of all the friends we have made through Bethany - they have either had placements or are anxiously waiting! :) So that leaves me feeling kind of out there by myself.

David and I have been discussing how long it has taken and we are slowly coming to the realization that at this rate this is likely the only child we will ever have - if he/she ever comes. We aren't old but getting older and the process takes so long. We both have siblings and hate the thought of our child being an only child. I have so many great memories all revolving around my brothers and sisters! :)

Adoption, for most, is a long, hard road and not for the faint of heart. It takes all you have and then you have to ask God to borrow more so you can make it. There are the easy days and the very difficult days. No matter what happens I will always have a healthy respect for anyone that even considers it.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas!

I wish I would have had the opportunity to wish you a Merry Christmas before Christmas but I guess now will have to do! So, "Merry Christmas!" I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! We had a fun time yesterday with my family. We won't see David's side of the family until New Years but that will be fun, too! We can stretch the holidays out that way! :)

I was looking at the decorations this morning thinking if they will see the attic and another Christmas before we see a baby in our home! Baby surprise has had a Christams tree and presents in his/her room since last Christmas and I vowed not to take it down until baby came but I am seriously considering it. There just doesn't seem to be a reason to leave it up and me keeping a tree up won't make it happen any faster. Actually the tree is just a reminder of how long it's been! So, it's coming down! I can't even remember what the presents are right now so it will be fun to see what I bought last year! :)

Please say a special prayer for my friend, Holly, who's mom is struggling in the hospital over Christmas. Also, please say a prayer for all the children an families, all over the world, who are waiting to be made forever families. The holidays are especially hard because it feels like part of your family is missing.

Lastly, be very thankful for your health, happiness, family and blessings! I have heard about many people having hardships right now and I am feeling so blessed. I hope you all have a wonderful New Year!

Happy Anniversary

Hello friends! I just wanted to tell you that today is our wedding anniversary! We have been married 9 years. We have celebrated in phases because we are going to a wedding when we would normally celebrate. Tonight we are going out for a laid back dinner after work. We are thinking that we should do something really cool next year since it will be 10 years! Just wanted to share...hope you all are well!

Nothing brings out the Christmas spirit like Black Friday!

Oh my goodness! David and I have a tradition of getting up early on Black Friday and hitting the stores! This is typically where I do the bulk of my shopping. But because we have been "under the weather" we got a much later start. I thought this might be better because of all the other nuts out early like us! WRONG! The first store I went into had a 45 minute line. So I got David to stand in line and I shopped. When the load got to heavy I would dump my stuff off with him and make another round. However, there were the most rude and hateful people out yesterday. People just standing in the midle of an isle so you couldn't get by and groaning if you pushed your way through anyway! Nothing like the old Christmas Spirit!

Today is going to be part wrapping palooza and part putting up Christmas trees and then a date with David! Think we are celebrating our anniversary today since my friend Ashley decided to get married next weekend when we would normally celebrate! On December 2, 2009 we will be married 9 years! Can you believe it? 9 years and no babies?! Perhaps year 10 will look differently!

Joy comes in the morning....

Well...after a crazy day yesterday I am glad to wake up today satisfied with our decision and feeling good about it! I was talking to David yesterday on the way home and we were discussing how this adoption process makes us feel heavy. It feels like you are always waiting for something to happen, always carrying something around on your back like a weight. It's hard to describe but I am sure those of you who are reading and waiting know exactly what I mean. Anyway, today I feel joyful and a little bit lighter than yesterday! So for that I am relieved. It's off to the start of a busy Saturday for me! I thank each of you for reading and posting and making me feel like I didn't make a poor decision!

On the adoption front...

We received an email today asking us our permission for our profile to be shown which is weird because our agency doesn't operate that way anymore. It turned out to be an odd situation. The Birthmom is actually part of MTV's show 16 and pregnant. So by agreeing to be shown we would then agree to say yes if we were chosen. By agreeing to do those to things we would have to sign many legal releases and be filmed for television! Wow! Talk about your odd email's. Those don't happen everyday. We had until 3 this afternoon to decide.

So what are you thinking? Crazy, huh? Would you do it?

We decided that we did not want to be shown. To me that is adding to many layers to an already difficult situation. In the past, we have been open to being shown anytime we have gotten a call but there is no way I could live out those moments of my life on television!

I had a pit in my stomach over it even though my gut reaction was "no." I felt like I was passing up an opportunity and I beat myself up. I thought - You could have had a baby! Then I thought, how pathethic, Jennifer? Are you so desperate that you would do something that feels wrong in your heart of hearts...something you know you don't want to do?! I would actually enter into a legal agreement and let the world watch my experince on MTV!? So I feel good about the decision we made.

So if we were chosen, which was never a guarantee, we would have had a baby before Christmas. Can you believe that? What a gift that would have been, huh? So - today was a very bizarre day. I just thought I would share with you guys....

Met up with another Bethany family

David and I went out to dinner Friday night and it was delicious! Upon our return to the car, we ran into a couple that started in the same orientation class with us for our adoption. At first, I only saw the wife. Then around the corner walks her husband with child in tow! Oh boy! This is the time I want to run and hide but that would be rude! In talking to them we found out that they had placement a year ago! Wow! Really? You have had your baby for a year! We have been waiting for 14 months and 6 days today! What would it be like for us to have been parents for a year already?

She goes on to tell us that they didn't even receive placement through the agency. They received placement through Catholic Charities after 3 failed placements with our agency. So now my wheels are turning. I have been trying to think about other options to explore but now I am really thinking about it! However, how do you decide? We have already paid so much money into our current agency and we don't have enough to start all over again. I am starting to feel trapped. Of course I feel impatient and anxious, too. It's just amazing that so many of the familes we started with have their children already and everyday we just sit back and wonder when it might be our turn.

Please, please don't tell me that God has our child and when it is meant to be it will happen! I beg you not to tell me that! It's not that I don't understand that but I get tired of hearing it because to be honest with you it doesn't feel that way in my heart most days. In my head - I get it! It's my heart that doesn't want to hear that. 14 months is 14 months and it's a really long time to wait. I mean think of all the things that have happened in your life the last 14 months! It's a whole year in your life! Some of you have had babies of your own, some have had placements, some have brought your children home, some have remained in waiting.

As it's getting closer to Christmas, I can't help but think of this time last year - feeling sure that this year I would be a mom. We still have a tiny Christmas tree in our nursery that I put up last year with tiny gifts underneath. I swore I would leave it up until baby came home but I have an urge to pick the whole thing up and dispose of it in the garbage because it feels more like a slap in the face.

I was sure that I would get used to waiting and it would be easier in time but that's not true. It's opposite actually. I thought I would be highly skilled at this by now. Unfortunately, I am not. So I wait and wonder. Are we with the right agency? What are all my options? Where will I be six months or a year from now? So many questions!

I am happy for the family that we met. But as always I am sad for me. The wife said to me, "We are going to pray for you. It's going to happen soon for you - I just know it is!" Yes....we have heard that before and I hope you are right.

Problem posting?

I have had a few people tell me that they have been trying to leave comments but can't! Please email me at davandjen@yahoo.com and tell me if this is the case! I can't figure out what is going on with this silly thing! Any suggestions/ideas/hints?

Potluck Coupon Train - All Aboard - Email Me!

Okay...so I am a coupon lover! When I really work at it I can save a ton of money. My friend told me about coupon trains a while back but the train she was on was full. Basically thereare passengers and conductors. The conductors start the train and the passengers keep it moving!

I want to start a coupon train! It would be a potluck train...meaning coupons from the Sunday paper, mailers, pizza coupons, baby coupons - basically any coupons. I'm not interested in a specialized train because I think having a variety would meet the most needs. So I am volunteering to be the conductor! Who will be my passengers? What the heck am I talking about?

It's simple really. I will start an envelope with coupons in it. I will send it to a passenger who signs up to "ride" the train. That passenger takes out a number of coupons they will use...say 10 for example. The catch is that they have to put 10 back in. Then they send it on to the next passenger on the list and this goes on until it get backs to the conductor. Then the process keeps going.

The conductor can set up rules like how many coupons a passenger can take, how soon you need to mail the envelope forward, etc. I am open to suggestions since I have never done this before. I was thinking about 5 -10 people on the train. So if you are interested please email me at davandjen@yahoo.com and put "coupon train" in the subject line. I will keep the invitation open until next friday evening. That will give everyone a week. Please send me your suggestions and I will put everything together and set up a distribution list! I think this could be fun! If you are intersted or have questions let me know!!

Happy Long Weekend!