Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Priceless experience

David and I were so fortunate to get to go last night and visit our friends who just had a baby. He was perfect in every way which was a blessing because he arrived several weeks early. The proud parents were beaming and glowing! We are delighted for them and so happy that we got to soak up part of their moment. I could not be more thrilled for them! They are wonderful people and now they are on their way to a beautiful family. They are just genuine, real people and they have received a wonderful treasure from God. Holding their newborn son was such a joy for me and I have to admit a heartbreak.

Sometimes I shy away from showers and births and the like because it is difficult. On the other hand, "they" are your friends and you want to be part of their life and share in their joy. We just love these guys too much not to go and see them but boy, is my heart sick?! But I am SO GLAD I went! Their son is precious! What an indescribable gift?!

David and I have almost hit the one year of waiting mark and each day that passes is twice as hard as the one before. Some days it seems like our call has to come soon. But most days it seems like a small possibility that it will ever happen. I knew the wait would be difficult but for some reason I thought we wouldn't have to wait so long.

Most days I am beyond frustrated. I can't seem to find anything to do to pass the time away and so few people understand this experience that it's hard to find people to relate to. I actually am at the point where I get mad at God many days. I feel ignored no matter how many verses I try to focus on. We are at a cross roads trying to decide to if this is God's plan for us. What a terribly difficult decision....


Melba said...

Oh gees...I know the feeling of wanting to give up a little too well. It IS so very hard, and you do feel like your time may never come when you're the one waiting.

I also understand feeling misunderstood. And your anger towards God. All of it. You describe the conflicting emotions about your friend's new baby really well...I almost felt like I was sitting there with you, holding the newborn baby of someone else. It is beautiful, and excruciatingly painful all at once.

Obviously only you two can determine if this is the right path for you, but I know of another couple who stuck it out for four years, and now they have a beautiful son. You have to do what you think is best, and right...but when that moment does finally come, especially after waiting a long time, it is pure joy!!

I think the wait is particularly hard when you have your expectations set up for something different. I was the same way. I just "knew" we wouldn't wait very long, but after the first six months, when the wait started to feel long for me, it was really hard to stay positive.

Ugh! Hang in there...and no matter what else happens, remember that you are not alone in this journey!!


KT said...

I came across your blog this evening and gosh...it almost seemed like I was writing it. Hang in there...it isn't a matter of IF it will happen...it is a matter of WHEN it will happen.

gavin richardson said...

it was great seeing y'all the other night. thanks again for stopping in and greeting our little man.

i wish this had been a quicker process for you both. y'all are wonderful and when it does happen its going to be just perfect all the way around. i know it.