Saturday, January 30, 2010

Changing Churches - to do or not to do?

David and I are at a crossroads related to our church. The church that we once loved has changed over the last few months and I don't really know if it's the place for us. I don't really feel anything when I go anymore. I deeply respect our pastor but he seems to be changing and I am not sure it's the change we want to make. We both feel that he has used the pulpit for his own personal agenda multiple times and that deeply bothers both of us.

I want a Bible based church but the approach seems to be to have someone read a scripture and then the actual sermon is a story from present day about someone or some thing that has happened without reference to the Bible again. I really am a beginner Christian and I did not grow up in the church so I have so much to learn. I honestly don't feel like I learn much at church. The numbers have dwindled and there are few people our age. Even the choir has shrunk - sometimes their literally may only be 4 people up there.

You could be absent for weeks and nobody so much as calls to see if you are alive. Now, I don't need to somebody to dote on me and call me everytime I'm not there but the fact that nobody notices for weeks is alarming. Our grapevine leader has not contacted us for a whole year. Our pastor will say he is going to start up this or that and we get excited and it never happens.

We haven't been to church in a while because we frankly have been really disatisfied. We have looked around and tryed to figure out if we should try somewhere else but we hate the thought of church shopping. When do you know whether or not you need to find a new church? That is the question.

Catching up...

I am slowly realizing that I never have anything to say! :) I jump on here and read often but I can't think of anything fascinating to write about. We have NO baby news! As a matter of a fact, our counselor may have moved to the far East and we wouldn't know. It's complete silence on that homefront. The longer it takes the easier it becomes to not think about it so much. Sometimes I think...adoption...are we really in the process? It's because there is absoutely no news. I barely even look in the nursery when I go down the hall and sometimes I have to wonder why we have so much baby stuff because the possibility of a baby seems so distant now. On Feb. 4 we will have been waiting 17 months. That really is a long time.

Our counselor told us one time that the average wait is 18 to 36 months so we basically haven't even hit the average. I can tell you right now...I won't be able to wait 36 months! I don't have it in me. This I am sure of. I think the other thing that makes it so hard is that out of all the friends we have made through Bethany - they have either had placements or are anxiously waiting! :) So that leaves me feeling kind of out there by myself.

David and I have been discussing how long it has taken and we are slowly coming to the realization that at this rate this is likely the only child we will ever have - if he/she ever comes. We aren't old but getting older and the process takes so long. We both have siblings and hate the thought of our child being an only child. I have so many great memories all revolving around my brothers and sisters! :)

Adoption, for most, is a long, hard road and not for the faint of heart. It takes all you have and then you have to ask God to borrow more so you can make it. There are the easy days and the very difficult days. No matter what happens I will always have a healthy respect for anyone that even considers it.