Sunday, July 20, 2008

Birthmother's Gift

I have been thinking lately about what sort of gift we might present to our birthmother. What tribute can we devote to her? What is appropriate? What is right? What expresses our thanks and love for her and her decision?

So I have not totally figured out the answer to the question but I have decided about one thing that I will give her. You see...I think about her all the time. I wonder if our child has already been concieved. If so - what are her daily struggles? How is she feeling? Who is part of her life? Who is encouraging her? Discouraging her? Is she eating well? Is she lonely? Do she know God? Does she pray? What is her family like? Is the father involved? How does he feel? Does he even know?

So may questions...I wish there was a crystal ball that I could talk to her through sometimes. So as I have been thinking about her I have decided to start keeping a journal of letters to her. So that one day she will be able to look back and see that she was a part of my life and a part of my prayers before I had ever even caught a glimpse of her face or heard her name aloud.

I hope that if she struggles with her decision not to parent, worries about her birthchild or just thinks of them and there daily doings...well, I want her to read this journal and know that I have loved her and prayed for her when we didn't know each other. I want her to know that everytime I have rocked in Jacob/Ryleigh's room that I have thought about her. I want her to know that with every pacifier I have picked out and every pair of tiny socks I have folded I have thought of her immeasurable gift to my life. I want her to know that her child was loved for so long and wanted for so long. I want her to know that she was prayed for and loved daily long before we ever met. It is my hope that she will treasure my letters to her and I hope they will bring her comfort and reassurance if ever she should worry about her decision.