Saturday night: Thinking about Moses

Last Sunday Alex started preaching/teaching a series on Moses and I have been thinking about it for almost a whole week, off and on, mostly non-stop. Granted this isn't the first time I have been introduced to Moses but seeing as where David and I are with our adoption it just struck me different this time. So, he introduced the birth of Moses, the basket that held Moses in the reeds of the Nile, Pharoah's daughter finding Moses, Moses' sister getting Moses mother to nurse and care for him and then eventually the princess taking Moses and raising him. So anyway...you know all that...

But here is where my thoughts are concerning the story of Moses. Yes, Moses was adopted but this was not a mesage about adoption really. However, I took it that way. In Alex's sermon he asked us what we were doing to further the Kingdom of God, were we stepping out in faith in regards to a tough decision - knowing that God would speak a powerful truth to us? Are we willing to be uncomfortable for God as Moses was when he was afraid to go where God commanded? When we feel God nudging us...will we respond to Him or act as if we didn't notice?

Now, I will tell you that I honestly don't hear God speaking to me much. I am not saying that He doesn't but I just don't always recognize His call, I don't think. We love Alex and many of his messages resonate deep within me but I am telling you that it was like God was talking through Alex to give me a hand delivered message. I felt it. There was no mistaking it.

See all this goes back to our whole struggle with openness in relation to race, ethnicity, special needs, etc within our adoption decision. We have already marked all the "boxes" on our service plan and even though we would love any child... I have gone back and forth. I have worried about societal response. How would I handle it? Would I feel like I had to constantly defend my family? Would I be mad about people staring - I know some would?

So back to Alex... am I stepping out in faith? Was Alex's sermon the nudging of my heart? What am I doing to further the Kingdom of God? God's kingdom is a colorful one I know...so why would I have fears? I have fears because currently I am of the earth and I have to see other people's reaction and live in the sharp glare of judgement. At the same time, I am trying really hard not to get in my own way. I think we do that sometime. I think sometimes I don't trust God enough to get out of my own way. It's like, God, I see where you are going with all this but I don't know how this will turn out so I think I'll just go the other way. How hard is to lead a life of faith, to really step out when you can't see where the ground is...sometimes, for me, it is very hard.

So, God, I'll be back in the next to last row tomorrow on the right hand side as usual...you know...just in case you need to get another message to me this week via Alex! :)

Forgot to post - vacation pics

Gustav begins churning up the waters in the gulf



Midnight on the beach



No... you are suppossed to sit on the beach in that chair...not in the ocean



Me



David




View at Grand Lagoon Shipyard. We were on a Shell Isalnd & Dolphin Cruise. This huge boat takes pipeline out to the oil platforms. If you look under the wheel like structure on the left, you will see four men - this will give you perspective on the size of this ship.



Audobon Island, Grand Lagoon, PCB Florida





This is the "Ashley Gorman." We rode aboard this boat on the dolphin/shell island cruise.

Adoption Fundraiser - Help me advertise, please!

Hello...

Just wanted to pitch an idea out to you guys. I actually need your help. All of you that know me know that I am crafty and pretty creative so I have decided to use my talents in hopes to earn some money for our adoption expenses.(Seeing as I don't have time for two jobs!)

I have sold things on ebay previously but since what I make is handmade it is more appreciated on Etsy. So with that said - I have opened at Etsy shop to sell my crafty things. There are a few main categories of things and more things will be added this weekend when I have more time to take pictures and post. I have a wide variety of things that will be on there soon. So please give me a shameless advertisement on your blog or forward my link to people that you may know who would be interested in things for their kids, especially girls.

You can check out my site and forward accordingly. I am looking forward to my first sale and I need help getting the word out. We only have a few thousands of dollars to raise so any plug would be greatly appreciated. Go to etsy.com and type in thepolkadottedpalm under username/sellername. (You can also go to www.thepolkadottedpalm.etsy.com)I am going to do a mass email this weekend so you may get this info again this weekend. Who knows...I could be world famous or not sell a thing but I thought I would give it a shot.

Deflated - Selfish Prayer Request

In a time when there are so many people in the world who REALLY need our prayers I would like to put in a selfish request for your prayers for me. My problems are small compared to those in Iraq, those struggling financially with this economy or those in Texas that were hit by "Ike." However, my spirit, like this silly red balloon, is just deflated.

Many of you know that I made a job transition from peer to coordinator. That has had it's own challenges but there are many troubles to add to the list. There is no potential job loss or anything like that so no worries. It's just a difficult time right now and it is zapping my energy and has deflated my spirit.

David and I have so much to be thankful for and celebrate right now but this work issue is clouding my whole vision. Maybe that's why I am blogging at 3 am when I should be in bed. I am not typically one of those people whose work defines them but as of lately I have become one because I have so much invested. I pray everyday that I will be able to walk in and exercise extreme grace and patience but that is so difficult right now.

Anyway, please say a small prayer for me and help me get some air back into my silly red balloon!

Calling all Moms!

Okay...I need opinions. Give me the scoop on what you think about the following:

Diapers: What brand? Store brand or generic?
Wipes: What brand?
Formula: Brand name or generic?
Pacifiers: What brand?

I know each of you may have a different answer but I am going for a concensus here. Please give me your opinion. There are so many to choose from and I want to know what you have used, liked, didn't care for, etc. Thanks in advance!

Baby Registry

What fun we have had this weekend! David and I decided to celebrate our "waiting family" status with shopping trips to register for baby things! This was so much fun! I finally felt official. What I really loved is that when we went to Babies R' Us to register they actually ask if you are adopting. How wonderful! I proudly and boldly bubbled that circle right in! Plus they will give you a store tour, which we did not need, along with handy booklets, phamplets, free samples, etc.

David had an excellent time playing with the scanner. There's no telling what he scanned when I wasn't looking. I guess it's a man thing. However, we registered for really cool things. We have lots of stuff already but there is lots more to get. The best part was that the gentleman helping us pick out a swing was named Riley. That's right folks, Riley. The signifigance you ask....come on now...don't you remember? That's the name we have chosen for a girl...just spelled differently. So is it a sign? I don't know. But it was coincidental to say the least.

Well, I have to get ready to get myself in bed. It's back to work tomorrow after a very long break. It's going to be a long day.

A.M. Ponderings

I have the day off today. It's my last day of vacation, in fact.(It's Jenn by the way. You know David rarely posts.) I have been thinking many different thoughts about the good news we recieved this week. For those of you who haven't followed...we are officially a waiting family!

I have had thoughts just constantly bouncing around in my head. I have wondered how long before we get a call, the call, any call? I have wondered boy or girl? I continue to look out at the sky and realize that our birthmom is covered by the same heavens even though she may be so far away. I wonder what she looks like. I wonder what her voice sounds like. I mostly wonder where she is in the journey. I wonder if the child God has intended for us has been concieved. I wonder if our birthmom can feel my prayers. Is she strangely warmed and yet she doesn't know why? Where is God in her life - from her perspective?

I was saying to David last night that I feel like I have been looking through a brick wall with holes in it. I could see the other side but I couldn't walk through. After we got our official letter in the mail yesterday it's like the brick wall fell down. Now there is no holding back. I have clarity. I can see the whole picture.

What a reality it is to go from one stack of paperwork to the other, to appointments, to physicals, to background checks, to meetings, to classes, to initial wonderings, from fear, from hurry up and wait to now. Now we have been cleared for take-off so to speak.

So we wait. It could be two days, two weeks, two months...who knows? Well, God does, of course. Too bad He won't share his timeline with me. So we wait anxiously. I am more anxious than David. He is not an anxious person like I tend to be. I find that I am frustrated because I have unidentified emotions about the reality of right now. I am so eager, so anxious and so impatient. I am also just overwhelmed with joy. It's the strangest combination - to be so excited and so overwhelemd and so anxious all at the same time.

I am staring at the keyboard as I type because I am a horrible typist. I keep thinking how much better I would feel if my fingers could magically hit all the right keys and explain how I feel. What a great relief to be able to express myself more completely. Yet, the words don't come. That in itself is frustrating. It is good to blog but not very fufilling when your finger keeps hitting the backspace key because your words don't come out right. I think I'll give it up for now.

What happened to my background?

So I am frustrated. I have been trying to change my background but no matter which site I use I keep getting a message that reads something like..."it's not parsed and not well formed". I have no idea what that means because I have not had that trouble before. So...until I figure it out it will just be plain old white.

We are officially a waiting family!

Good news! Good news! David and I just got back from a few days at the beach and we have since learned that our home study has been officially approved. We are now a waiting family! I should say lots more but I'm just speechless and slightly emotional. I will post more tomorrow when I can gather thoughts that suit the occasion. Right now...I'm going to talk with David about our good news and celebrate!