Saturday, September 27, 2008

Saturday night: Thinking about Moses

Last Sunday Alex started preaching/teaching a series on Moses and I have been thinking about it for almost a whole week, off and on, mostly non-stop. Granted this isn't the first time I have been introduced to Moses but seeing as where David and I are with our adoption it just struck me different this time. So, he introduced the birth of Moses, the basket that held Moses in the reeds of the Nile, Pharoah's daughter finding Moses, Moses' sister getting Moses mother to nurse and care for him and then eventually the princess taking Moses and raising him. So know all that...

But here is where my thoughts are concerning the story of Moses. Yes, Moses was adopted but this was not a mesage about adoption really. However, I took it that way. In Alex's sermon he asked us what we were doing to further the Kingdom of God, were we stepping out in faith in regards to a tough decision - knowing that God would speak a powerful truth to us? Are we willing to be uncomfortable for God as Moses was when he was afraid to go where God commanded? When we feel God nudging us...will we respond to Him or act as if we didn't notice?

Now, I will tell you that I honestly don't hear God speaking to me much. I am not saying that He doesn't but I just don't always recognize His call, I don't think. We love Alex and many of his messages resonate deep within me but I am telling you that it was like God was talking through Alex to give me a hand delivered message. I felt it. There was no mistaking it.

See all this goes back to our whole struggle with openness in relation to race, ethnicity, special needs, etc within our adoption decision. We have already marked all the "boxes" on our service plan and even though we would love any child... I have gone back and forth. I have worried about societal response. How would I handle it? Would I feel like I had to constantly defend my family? Would I be mad about people staring - I know some would?

So back to Alex... am I stepping out in faith? Was Alex's sermon the nudging of my heart? What am I doing to further the Kingdom of God? God's kingdom is a colorful one I why would I have fears? I have fears because currently I am of the earth and I have to see other people's reaction and live in the sharp glare of judgement. At the same time, I am trying really hard not to get in my own way. I think we do that sometime. I think sometimes I don't trust God enough to get out of my own way. It's like, God, I see where you are going with all this but I don't know how this will turn out so I think I'll just go the other way. How hard is to lead a life of faith, to really step out when you can't see where the ground is...sometimes, for me, it is very hard.

So, God, I'll be back in the next to last row tomorrow on the right hand side as know...just in case you need to get another message to me this week via Alex! :)


Alicia said...

Jennifer, I am just amazed at how God is growing you through this journey. It richly blesses me to hear your insights and what God is teaching you. I know it feels like nothing is moving on the adoption front, but I see so much growth in you!! God's definitely moving! Love ya and hope to see you soon!


David & Jennifer said...

Thank you so much for those kind words. I really take that as such a compliment and I appreciate it. God really has spoken to me in such a powerful way through this experience. I await everyday anxiously to see what He will write next as he continues our story.