Wednesday, March 19, 2008

We have a BIG decision to make!

Well the days are winding down for us....classes are finished, paperwork's done for the most part, David is going to finish his self study this weekend. It's gone really fast!!! So one big thing that we do have left is to fill out our "preferences" for our child. This is a tough one. We have really struggled about this and I have prayed about it daily. For any of you wondering - preferences is basically "what are you willing to accept as parents" on issues such as uterine exposure to drugs and alcohol, cigarettes, etc. What about other special needs such as down syndrome, cerebal palsy, etc? What races are you open to if any other than your own?

And the big thing for us is the question of race? I can hear your wheels turning?! Here's the thing....we could choose to accept only healthy caucasian infants or we can just keep it wide open or anything in the middle. So we have considered many things:

If we are willing to adopt outside of our race...

*how will our friends and family feel/recieve us?
*how will our church family recieve us?
*how would we handle the questions, the stares, the looks?
*what issues would our child have to face because their skin may be different from ours?
*at the end of the day, do the stares, the looks and the comments matter?

We went to a transracial playgroup last week and we have met other families at other times that have adopted transracially (i.e. outside their own race)in order to try to educate ourselves. We have asked how people have been responded to, what issues they face, where they learn to take care of the child's hair, at what age do the children realize their different from mom and dad, etc? You name it we have probably asked it or heard it being asked.

So we have lots of schools of thought on this. The big one being... how could we accept one of God's children and yet deny another? God has adopted us all into his family regardless of our ethnicity! Then there is the question of while the first statement may be true - are some couples/families better equipped to handle the adverse reactions we could experience? We certainly don't want to go around being angry or defensive all the time because people have hurt our family. That's no way to live. How about this one...if you believe, as we do, that God has a plan for every life then how do we set limits on how God intends to grow our family?

We have met so many extraordinary families on our short journey so far. They all are very different yet all amazing, genuinely good people with big hearts! Some are of the same race, some two different races, some many different races. So I guess the question is what's right for us? How do we know what to do? When you look at the fact that there are 143 million children around the world that are either orphaned or abandoned don't you think they each deserve to have their forever family? When you look at it in those terms - the huge need for families for children - our preferences seem quite trivial don't they?

So we question, we fret over the prefernces sheet, we don't want to fill it out, we wish we didn't have to consider these heavy things! In the midst of all the excitement we have to deal with some very difficult issues as well. I have been telling David that I wish God would hand us down some directions on a tablet like the Ten Commandments. I have sought his guidance on this issue daily and I am just not getting a sign, a vibe, a feeling...nothing! It's like "Okay God, I need your help...speak to me - PLEASE!"

While we realize that nobody can make the decison for us we would like for you to keep us in prayer if you would. We would love to hear your thoughts as well. If you feel you have any wisdom to impart then that would be wonderful. All of you who read this blog are either family or close friends so we obviously value your thoughts and appreciate your wisdom!

We very much appreciate you all reading along as God continues writing our story. We appreciate your comments and your thoughts. We appreciate your prayers and your well wishes! We are so lucky to have been blessed with each of you!

Well, we are taking the night off....we are not going to do any paperwork tonight! We are going to watch a movie and get to bed early as we have been so tired lately. I hope each of you are healthy and happy! Good night! :)


Alison B. said...

praying for you guys. that sheet is gut-wrenching, but also stretches you to grow in so many ways.