Long time...no posts

Well...it's been a long time since I have posted. (It's Jen...you know David does not post!) I have thought about my lonely little blog many times but I have not had any inspiration to write. I have been sick off and on for a few weeks. It's seems like alot of people have had this lung funk and I have got it. I feel like things are just the same old same old. I am getting excited about the holidays but I'm sort of in a weird rut.

The closer we get to the holidays the more I am bothered by our empty nursery. Why is it that when you are missing somebody it is worse during the holidays? We went to New Friends Dinner with our agency a few weeks ago and one of the couples that started our class with us were there with their new baby. I'm happy for them but sad for us. Don't get me wrong...we have only been officially waiting for 2.5 months but I am missing baby. We also met new friends (no pun intended) that have been waiting for 13 months! Oh my....I will be worth nothing if our wait is similar. I know God has a plan but I am impatient.

I'm going to wrap it up...I'm ready for bed. I will try not to be a stranger in the future... :)

Gas Buy Down - Showing God's Love in a Practical Way

I am very perplexed. I am home sick today as you know and I was surfing the net.I was reading a post on my buddy Gavin's web page where his church got an unfavorable review at Google. So it got me thinking...I should check our church. So I did and it was fine. We got props for our organ, our fellowship hall and our beautiful stone church which we refer to as the "rock church."

Then I was thinking about this church that I see sometimes from the road that has a digital marquee. If you live in the Gallatin area you also can't help but see people in T-shirts from this particular church. The church in question - Freedom Church on Harris Lane. So I decide to check them out. They have a very busy web page with lots of rolling graphics and such. The pastor also has a blog that you can link up with. But what caught my eye as I was exploring their page was this "Gas Buy Down" Event. Apparently, they were able to knock .25 cents off gas and they stood on the street with signs that read that they were showing God's love in a practical way by doing so.

WOW! I am just so perplexed over this. I am saying NOTHING bad of this church or it's people but I just don't get it. Knocking .25 cents off the price of gas is showing God's love in a practical way? I just don't know that I agree with that. I was thinking back to Matthew 6:1-4 which reads, "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do you will have no reward from your Father in heaven...But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

This brings me to an aspect about my own church newsletter that troubles me. On the back of our weekly newsletter it displays a list of people of who have given monetary gifts in memorial or in honor of someone. It displays the family name and what their gift was in honor of or in memorial to and what they have directed their donation to. Sure it lets everybody know who has done a good deed by further supporting the church in a way other than tithes and offerings but I often wonder if this is in "violation" of the above verses from the book of Matthew. I often wonder how other people feel when they read this who would love to be able to give but can't do it as often as they like. We need a way to showcase God's love given through others in a practical way so as not to highlight only our monetary givings.

I don't know about knocking cents off gas or publishing givings is the right way to show God's love in a practical way. I would love to hear your thoughts. I am still percolating this one...

Revival

So we had a short revival at church last week and it was wonderful. We had a guest speaker who I know you would love. His name is Andrew C. Thompson and he is a methodist pastor who is currently leading a church in North Carolina while working on his Doctorate at Duke University. He and his wife Emily live in the Raleigh-Durham area. He was just awesome! You might want to check out his writings. He blogs at Gen X Rising for the Methodist Reporter. Check out his column at www.genxrising.com

SICK! SICK, I Tell You!

Okay... So I am experiencing my usual fall sickness. It's like clockwork that I will be miserable at least twice between October and mid January. I don't know what it is about those few months but I tell you it leaves me feeling yucky everytime. So, today I would love to be at church. David is there right now singing his heart out at a casual benefit concert to help pay for Christmas Cantata. Where am I you ask? Home. I did get in the shower and put on fresh jammies but that's all the energy I could summon. I made it out yesterday to buy some things that needed to go to church today but that wiped me out. You see...I have bad lungs in the sense that every head cold I get ends up there and since I also suffer from asthma it makes a nasty combination. Walking across the house feels like running a marathon. However, my mind is just going non-stop so I have to channel some energy. Since I have not posted in a while I thought I would catch up while I hold down the couch.

Saturday night: Thinking about Moses

Last Sunday Alex started preaching/teaching a series on Moses and I have been thinking about it for almost a whole week, off and on, mostly non-stop. Granted this isn't the first time I have been introduced to Moses but seeing as where David and I are with our adoption it just struck me different this time. So, he introduced the birth of Moses, the basket that held Moses in the reeds of the Nile, Pharoah's daughter finding Moses, Moses' sister getting Moses mother to nurse and care for him and then eventually the princess taking Moses and raising him. So anyway...you know all that...

But here is where my thoughts are concerning the story of Moses. Yes, Moses was adopted but this was not a mesage about adoption really. However, I took it that way. In Alex's sermon he asked us what we were doing to further the Kingdom of God, were we stepping out in faith in regards to a tough decision - knowing that God would speak a powerful truth to us? Are we willing to be uncomfortable for God as Moses was when he was afraid to go where God commanded? When we feel God nudging us...will we respond to Him or act as if we didn't notice?

Now, I will tell you that I honestly don't hear God speaking to me much. I am not saying that He doesn't but I just don't always recognize His call, I don't think. We love Alex and many of his messages resonate deep within me but I am telling you that it was like God was talking through Alex to give me a hand delivered message. I felt it. There was no mistaking it.

See all this goes back to our whole struggle with openness in relation to race, ethnicity, special needs, etc within our adoption decision. We have already marked all the "boxes" on our service plan and even though we would love any child... I have gone back and forth. I have worried about societal response. How would I handle it? Would I feel like I had to constantly defend my family? Would I be mad about people staring - I know some would?

So back to Alex... am I stepping out in faith? Was Alex's sermon the nudging of my heart? What am I doing to further the Kingdom of God? God's kingdom is a colorful one I know...so why would I have fears? I have fears because currently I am of the earth and I have to see other people's reaction and live in the sharp glare of judgement. At the same time, I am trying really hard not to get in my own way. I think we do that sometime. I think sometimes I don't trust God enough to get out of my own way. It's like, God, I see where you are going with all this but I don't know how this will turn out so I think I'll just go the other way. How hard is to lead a life of faith, to really step out when you can't see where the ground is...sometimes, for me, it is very hard.

So, God, I'll be back in the next to last row tomorrow on the right hand side as usual...you know...just in case you need to get another message to me this week via Alex! :)

Forgot to post - vacation pics

Gustav begins churning up the waters in the gulf



Midnight on the beach



No... you are suppossed to sit on the beach in that chair...not in the ocean



Me



David




View at Grand Lagoon Shipyard. We were on a Shell Isalnd & Dolphin Cruise. This huge boat takes pipeline out to the oil platforms. If you look under the wheel like structure on the left, you will see four men - this will give you perspective on the size of this ship.



Audobon Island, Grand Lagoon, PCB Florida





This is the "Ashley Gorman." We rode aboard this boat on the dolphin/shell island cruise.

Adoption Fundraiser - Help me advertise, please!

Hello...

Just wanted to pitch an idea out to you guys. I actually need your help. All of you that know me know that I am crafty and pretty creative so I have decided to use my talents in hopes to earn some money for our adoption expenses.(Seeing as I don't have time for two jobs!)

I have sold things on ebay previously but since what I make is handmade it is more appreciated on Etsy. So with that said - I have opened at Etsy shop to sell my crafty things. There are a few main categories of things and more things will be added this weekend when I have more time to take pictures and post. I have a wide variety of things that will be on there soon. So please give me a shameless advertisement on your blog or forward my link to people that you may know who would be interested in things for their kids, especially girls.

You can check out my site and forward accordingly. I am looking forward to my first sale and I need help getting the word out. We only have a few thousands of dollars to raise so any plug would be greatly appreciated. Go to etsy.com and type in thepolkadottedpalm under username/sellername. (You can also go to www.thepolkadottedpalm.etsy.com)I am going to do a mass email this weekend so you may get this info again this weekend. Who knows...I could be world famous or not sell a thing but I thought I would give it a shot.

Deflated - Selfish Prayer Request

In a time when there are so many people in the world who REALLY need our prayers I would like to put in a selfish request for your prayers for me. My problems are small compared to those in Iraq, those struggling financially with this economy or those in Texas that were hit by "Ike." However, my spirit, like this silly red balloon, is just deflated.

Many of you know that I made a job transition from peer to coordinator. That has had it's own challenges but there are many troubles to add to the list. There is no potential job loss or anything like that so no worries. It's just a difficult time right now and it is zapping my energy and has deflated my spirit.

David and I have so much to be thankful for and celebrate right now but this work issue is clouding my whole vision. Maybe that's why I am blogging at 3 am when I should be in bed. I am not typically one of those people whose work defines them but as of lately I have become one because I have so much invested. I pray everyday that I will be able to walk in and exercise extreme grace and patience but that is so difficult right now.

Anyway, please say a small prayer for me and help me get some air back into my silly red balloon!

Calling all Moms!

Okay...I need opinions. Give me the scoop on what you think about the following:

Diapers: What brand? Store brand or generic?
Wipes: What brand?
Formula: Brand name or generic?
Pacifiers: What brand?

I know each of you may have a different answer but I am going for a concensus here. Please give me your opinion. There are so many to choose from and I want to know what you have used, liked, didn't care for, etc. Thanks in advance!

Baby Registry

What fun we have had this weekend! David and I decided to celebrate our "waiting family" status with shopping trips to register for baby things! This was so much fun! I finally felt official. What I really loved is that when we went to Babies R' Us to register they actually ask if you are adopting. How wonderful! I proudly and boldly bubbled that circle right in! Plus they will give you a store tour, which we did not need, along with handy booklets, phamplets, free samples, etc.

David had an excellent time playing with the scanner. There's no telling what he scanned when I wasn't looking. I guess it's a man thing. However, we registered for really cool things. We have lots of stuff already but there is lots more to get. The best part was that the gentleman helping us pick out a swing was named Riley. That's right folks, Riley. The signifigance you ask....come on now...don't you remember? That's the name we have chosen for a girl...just spelled differently. So is it a sign? I don't know. But it was coincidental to say the least.

Well, I have to get ready to get myself in bed. It's back to work tomorrow after a very long break. It's going to be a long day.

A.M. Ponderings

I have the day off today. It's my last day of vacation, in fact.(It's Jenn by the way. You know David rarely posts.) I have been thinking many different thoughts about the good news we recieved this week. For those of you who haven't followed...we are officially a waiting family!

I have had thoughts just constantly bouncing around in my head. I have wondered how long before we get a call, the call, any call? I have wondered boy or girl? I continue to look out at the sky and realize that our birthmom is covered by the same heavens even though she may be so far away. I wonder what she looks like. I wonder what her voice sounds like. I mostly wonder where she is in the journey. I wonder if the child God has intended for us has been concieved. I wonder if our birthmom can feel my prayers. Is she strangely warmed and yet she doesn't know why? Where is God in her life - from her perspective?

I was saying to David last night that I feel like I have been looking through a brick wall with holes in it. I could see the other side but I couldn't walk through. After we got our official letter in the mail yesterday it's like the brick wall fell down. Now there is no holding back. I have clarity. I can see the whole picture.

What a reality it is to go from one stack of paperwork to the other, to appointments, to physicals, to background checks, to meetings, to classes, to initial wonderings, from fear, from hurry up and wait to now. Now we have been cleared for take-off so to speak.

So we wait. It could be two days, two weeks, two months...who knows? Well, God does, of course. Too bad He won't share his timeline with me. So we wait anxiously. I am more anxious than David. He is not an anxious person like I tend to be. I find that I am frustrated because I have unidentified emotions about the reality of right now. I am so eager, so anxious and so impatient. I am also just overwhelmed with joy. It's the strangest combination - to be so excited and so overwhelemd and so anxious all at the same time.

I am staring at the keyboard as I type because I am a horrible typist. I keep thinking how much better I would feel if my fingers could magically hit all the right keys and explain how I feel. What a great relief to be able to express myself more completely. Yet, the words don't come. That in itself is frustrating. It is good to blog but not very fufilling when your finger keeps hitting the backspace key because your words don't come out right. I think I'll give it up for now.

What happened to my background?

So I am frustrated. I have been trying to change my background but no matter which site I use I keep getting a message that reads something like..."it's not parsed and not well formed". I have no idea what that means because I have not had that trouble before. So...until I figure it out it will just be plain old white.

We are officially a waiting family!

Good news! Good news! David and I just got back from a few days at the beach and we have since learned that our home study has been officially approved. We are now a waiting family! I should say lots more but I'm just speechless and slightly emotional. I will post more tomorrow when I can gather thoughts that suit the occasion. Right now...I'm going to talk with David about our good news and celebrate!

Go Away Gustav!

You have got to be kidding me!!! David and I are headed off to our long awaited vacation this afternoon and Gustav is brewing in the gulf. We are going to head that direction and see if we can enjoy two good days at the beach since we are faced with the "cone of uncertainty". We have plans to retreat and finish up our vacation somewhere else if necessary. Either way it's vacation but I am just so disappointed. The beach is my favorite. I don't want anyone to be disturbed by a hurricane but especially not me on my vacation! Just pray for safety and safe travels. Hopefully I will have some pictures of something besides stormy weather to post soon!

Beach Bound!

David and I are leaving for a late summer vacation this Friday to the sugar white sands of the Gulf of Mexico! I am in dire need of a vacation and I just can't wait to put my toes in the sand! I have been reminiscing about vacations past so I thought I would post some pictures of our last venture to the beach! I hope you enjoy them! :)



My sweetie!



Twin Goof-balls!



Ahhh...sunset!


I can't wait to see this again!



David took this picture as I was walking along enjoying the beach!



This was the first day of our last vacation!

What's wrong with early childhood?

Okay....

I don't usually use my blog as a place to push my opinions or agendas. It's just meant as a place to update you on anything baby related. Since we are currently in a holding pattern with that I find that I am not blogging. So in the hopes that you actually just like to "hear" what I have to say - I will blog on about other random things that cross my mind.

So, most of you who read my blog are early childhood people like me or you are friends/family who know how passionate I am about great lives for great kids! (All kids are great!) You also probably know that my job takes me into many center based programs, family homes, DOE programs, etc. This is leading somewhere I promise.

On the visits I have gone on lately I keep finding this horrible trend. You see...there is a whole host of "teachers" out there who apparently had dreams of controlling a group of children in the name of education in a formal classroom setting. In the preschool environment it comes across like this... total unrealistic behavior expectations, total directive conversations, no social talking, old-school developmentally inappropriate practices, hateful tone and completely illogical consequences as it relates to discipline.

Early childhood has changed, people! We know better to do to our kids what was done to us. We now really know how children learn best and how to engage them. We know more than ever about their tiny yet very impressionable brains. Therefore, as Becky Bailey would say..."we can no longer teach children for a time when we were born for they were born at a different time."

I know some of you are saying...but I turned out okay! Nonsense! Change is good and necessary. As we learn new and better ways to do things we need to do them. If ditto sheets and rote learning didn't scar you for life, well great...but there is a much better way. This can be likened to surgery. If you had to have your appendix out tomorrow would you like to have the procedure done the way it was 50 years ago? Heck no! See...knowledge is power!

So I am trying to say...If you want to have a classroom of small children to be your audience...if you want to "teach" children how you were taught...if you want a classroom with star charts and behavior systems...if you want an arena to exercise your control... then you should find a job outside of early childhood programs!

Some days I wish I was my dog!

What a hard life my Ginger has - poor thing! NOT!

Nashville Shores

Hello! Long time no post! I'm home today so I am trying to do lots of catching up so I knew that I must post to let everyone know that we are indeed alive! :) These are some pictures from our day at Nashville Shores with our niece, Mackenzie.




Cheese!



Kenzie is rocking some super big glasses! She's a star!



The rarest of photos - me in a bathing suit!



Wow she is growing up so fast! What a beautiful young lady. She is an awesome little girl!

HAPPY!!! Let's Celebrate!!

Like Jennifer said, this is a happy time for us and we want to celebrate with you. We have done everything that we can do and now we are just waiting for God to bring our blessing to us. I've heard that several people have been asking about our progress so Jennifer left an update on Monday. I only see one problem...how can we know that you are celebrating with us? ;) So I've included a ditty to let you know how you can tell us.

If your and you know it leave a comment.
If your and you know it leave a comment.
If your and you know it,
then your fingers will surely show it.
If your and you know it leave a comment.

Thanks for all of the love and prayers.
-David

We Passed!!!

We passed our home and safety visit today!!!

As many of you may know, David and I had our home and safety visit today with our very wonderful social worker, Carolyn, from Bethany Christian Services. It went absolutely perfect and Bella, Roxie and Ginger pretty much behaved. Ginger, our over-eager beaver, was on her best behavior today. She didn't knock Carolyn over with her excited tail wagging so that was a plus! She even refrained from barking excessively which was nice.

So now Carolyn will pull all of our "stuff" together for a final report and it will go for a final check. Our profile should be ready to be shown in a few weeks to a month. So we have entered the infamous waiting period and we could not be anymore excited! Unless of course - Ryleigh or Jacob was actually here.

We thank each and everyone of you for your prayers, your well wishes and your love and support. We have enjoyed sharing this process with you all and we look forward to sharing the rest of our journey with you as God continues to write our story.

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." Psalm 1:2-3

We feel very much like the well watered tree tonight! :)

HOME VISIT!

Well folks...this is it.....our home visit is scheduled for MONDAY morning!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

David's Last Interview

Well...tomorrow is David's final interview with Bethany. After that we should be ready for our home visit! I absolutely cannot wait!!!! David's been baby-proofing some outlets and we still have to do cabinets in some places. The outlet covers are somewhat adult proof, too! We have done some of the plug covers and some modified switch plate types where you put the plug in at an angle and have to physically turn it to make contact with the outlet. I like these as they are more fingernail friendly!

Speaking of David - he is outside at this late hour changing the oil in my car! What a good catch he is!!! I do so love him! :)

Please be praying for us as we make some final tough decisions regarding our level of openness in the adoption. We are trying hard not to get in the way of God's plan for our lives!

Birthmother's Gift

I have been thinking lately about what sort of gift we might present to our birthmother. What tribute can we devote to her? What is appropriate? What is right? What expresses our thanks and love for her and her decision?

So I have not totally figured out the answer to the question but I have decided about one thing that I will give her. You see...I think about her all the time. I wonder if our child has already been concieved. If so - what are her daily struggles? How is she feeling? Who is part of her life? Who is encouraging her? Discouraging her? Is she eating well? Is she lonely? Do she know God? Does she pray? What is her family like? Is the father involved? How does he feel? Does he even know?

So may questions...I wish there was a crystal ball that I could talk to her through sometimes. So as I have been thinking about her I have decided to start keeping a journal of letters to her. So that one day she will be able to look back and see that she was a part of my life and a part of my prayers before I had ever even caught a glimpse of her face or heard her name aloud.

I hope that if she struggles with her decision not to parent, worries about her birthchild or just thinks of them and there daily doings...well, I want her to read this journal and know that I have loved her and prayed for her when we didn't know each other. I want her to know that everytime I have rocked in Jacob/Ryleigh's room that I have thought about her. I want her to know that with every pacifier I have picked out and every pair of tiny socks I have folded I have thought of her immeasurable gift to my life. I want her to know that her child was loved for so long and wanted for so long. I want her to know that she was prayed for and loved daily long before we ever met. It is my hope that she will treasure my letters to her and I hope they will bring her comfort and reassurance if ever she should worry about her decision.

My "interview" with Carolyn

As many of you have read or heard, Carolyn is our social worker at Bethany Christian Services. From the first time I laid my eyes on her I liked her. I respected her instantly. Since then I have actually gotten to know this wonderful lady. I have talked with her in large groups, small groups, with David and alone. But my talk with her Wednesday was the best.

She said many things that stood out to me and I am amazed how God used our time together to minister to me. One of the things we discussed was my lack of a relationship with God when I was "growing up." We didn't go to church and we were not a very religious or spiritual family. Carolyn and I talked about "my story." We talked about huge turning points for me, losses I have experienced and the road that has lead me to here. We talked about where God was at those times. In my mind - He was absent - I didn't know Him or have a relationship with Him then.

Then Carolyn said a few things that I won't soon forget. One of the things she said was "God never wastes anything." Profound at this point in my life as I sit back and look at all the things I have lost, things that were horrible, things I should not have to experience, and things I never thought would serve a purpose for my life. At times I remember feeling like God was punishing me. But she's right...every experience has a place in my life and shaped me for today. "God never waste's anything." I like that...so simple but oh so profound for me. Ponder that one - would you?

She also said to me that "God has always been faithful" to me even though I didn't know Him at the time. God was everywhere with me always - shaping me, teaching me...not wasting one moment. I've been thinking about this every since she said it.

Lastly, she said that my story inspired her. To that...I am humbled. I don't think of my life as "my story" but I guess it is just that...a story. I humbly and anxiously await for God as He continues writing the next chapter.

Thanks,Carolyn for ministering to me through our interview. Thanks to Bethany for this whole process...long though it may be.

Adoption Update

So...for those of you who read regularly...you might have noticed I have been absent in posting lately. Life has been super hectic! Between being overwhelmed at work, Grandmother's illness and the general business of life I haven't had much time to write.

The last few weeks have been strange. I took on my new role at work about two weeks ago and that's been - well, interesting! Let me not venture into the details except to say that last week was not good at all! By the end of the week I felt beat down, fussed at and trampled on.

In the middle of the week I had my final interview with Carolyn at Bethany Christian Services - our adoption agency. So let me set the stage for you - my Wednesday went like this...

1. Woke up late
2. Got to work
3. Got fussed at
4. Felt beat down
5. Felt trampled on
6. Had read that a couple that started this journey with us in February have had their child for a month (Hit me like a ton of bricks)
7. Tried to finish a million things before I left to meet with Carolyn
8. Didn't give myself as much time as I would have liked to in order to get there with time to spare
9. Leaving work feeling frazzled
10. Car dies on me in the middle of 8th Ave.
11. I panic
12. I'm sweating
13. Car starts after several attempts
14. Pull into Bethany with 1.5 minutes to spare
15. Don't have time to process...trying to be in the moment so I can talk with Carolyn
16. Need to go to restroom but don't have time
17. Greet Ms. Judy warmly and with a big smile
18. Collapse into the couch in the family room
19. Greet Carolyn and move to chair across from her
20. We talk
21. I answer lots of questions
22. Here comes the big question... "Tell me what it was like for you when your mom died...."
23. I suddenly feel the whole day on my shoulders
24. I wonder...how do I answer this....
25. I wonder..."do I have to talk about this..."
26. For those of you who don't know my story...well you may not understand - it is just so difficult to talk about
27. We make it through
28. I leave feeling like I'm still trying to back up and start the day again with not so many wrong things happening
29. I have to work late - going to a public hearing - not over til' 9 pm.
30. I get Chinese from my favorite place on the way home - THANKS DAVID!
31. At the end of the day I decide Wednesday is the worst day I have had in a very long time but my fortune cookie said that 3 months from that date something fantastic will happen!
32. I'm interested to see what October 16th has in store for me!

David's last interview is this week then Carolyn comes to our home for our safety check. I'll keep you posted on that.

IT"S OFFICIAL!

Well folks....I finally signed my contract for my new job yesterday! I interviewed for the Project Coordinator of the Davidson County Child Care Resource & Referral a few weeks ago and I got the job. It's a promotion for me and I think it's a great family move and a career move. We are growing and it's a great time to lead the project! I'm excited and I've got lots of great ideas! :)

Atlanta - Day One - Night Out

Atlanta Botanical Garden